A is For......

Airport Novels

That's right people. The Airport Novel. Serious stuff.

According to Wikipedia: "An airport novel is typically a fairly long but fast-paced novel of intrigue or adventure that is stereotypically found in the reading fare offered by airport newsstands for travellers to read in the rounds of sitting and waiting that constitute air travel."

I've spent a few hours huffing and puffing in a sad attempt to run from terminal to terminal trying to catch the vomit comets. So I have a total 15 minutes of experience looking in the airport bookstore. All I did was grab a magazine to cut out letters and glue on a ransom note.

But that's a whole other post.

I thought I would put together some titles of airport novels I'd like to see:

1. 1,001 Uses For Your Used Earplugs.

2. Airplane Etiquette: Why Bathing Is NOT A Sin.

3. Airport Recipes: How To Make A Recipe From Peanuts, Stale Coffee and Mint Flavored Toothpicks.

4. Murder In Bathroom Stall 9,804.

5. Deciphering Flight Attendant Lingo: Please Have A Seat = Sit The F*ck Down, I've Got 300 More Idiots To Strap In Like Drunk Three Year Olds On A Merry-Go-Round.

Happy Writing!!!

Are You Ready?

As we gear up for the A-Z blogging challenge I would like to go over a few rules and regulations or in my case reputations.

Due to my pickled brain cells and my frequent side trips down crazy lane I will be using a schedule to keep up with fellow alphabet soupers.

I will be doing a first come-first comment preference. If you comment on my blog I will do my best (it's really a sad attempt) to comment on yours.

I will start A-day visiting #1-20 and hope to keep moving in segments of 20 every day after.

My post will be short, sweet, tongue-in-check and somehow tie into writing.

So without further ado, please keep all arms and legs inside the vehicle until it comes to a full and complete stop.

Happy Writing

Visit to the Bookstore: A Story

This past Friday was my twin's 14th birthday so we decided to gas up the people mover and head south to Mobile. We, as a family, love day excursions. Provided we know what time we eat. That's the only requirement. After meandering through shops filled with furniture and bath essentials we spotted the BOOKSTORE.

Three of us froze in our spots, our eyes seeking each other in silent support and ecstasy. The other two groaned and gagged.

Me, Twin B and the Baby yelled, " YAY!"

The opposing team made up of The Husband and Twin A, yelled, "NAY!!!"

Given the strategic move I made 6 hours earlier of procuring the car keys and money, the opposing team decided their survival might hinge on keeping me in their sights. Entering the bookstore always produced the same sense of euphoria in me. The sights of neatly bound pages bursting with knowledge and hours of adventure. The aroma of coffee and ink titillating my senses beyond compare. And then there is the grunting of The Husband elbowing his way past me to get "The Good Seat" in the magazine isle.

Twin B , The Baby and I have a technique we share. We "weave" the bookstore . Start in the southern most corner and split up moving north through the isles in a slow meticulous crossing swirl. Much like the blanket patterns of the Junquila Tribe of Tunzibawa.

After approximately 15 minutes the inevitable happened.

The Husband came seeking knowledge.

"Are you tired of looking yet?" The Husband moaned.

Through my gasps of outrage at his blasphemous tone I narrowed my already beady eyes in his direction. He took the hint and dragged twin A off with him towards the coffee bar.

15 minutes later....

I trolled down the self help stacks towards the clearance booth and stopped short as The Baby came running , motioning for me to follow and be quiet. Two lanes over I spied The Husband and Twin A lounging on the floor flipping through "Outrageous True Laws".

"Here's one," Twin A read, "It's against the law to make noises while moving boxes in the state of Ohio."

"Oh, look at this," The Husband snorted. "It's illegal to use blue toilet paper to roll trees at Halloween in Hawaii."

That would keep them occupied for a short time. Thank goodness it had pictures.

15 minutes later....

Trying to narrow my selections down to five books, my nasal passages started to smart. Frowning at the realization I was detecting smoke I panicked trying to find The Family. Not for fear of burning alive or losing such a valuable establishment. But from fear of my family being the cause of said smoke and subsequent fire. Racing down the isles toward the blue haze overhanging the tax preparation nook I sent up a small prayer there was an escaped arsonists lurking close. Rounding the corner my fear was confirmed. The Husband and Twin A had set fire to a small mound of stationary.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" I screamed/whispered.

"Look what we made." The Husband grinned up at me. "This loose paper was just sitting here so we made a miniature fort but then we saw an ant crawling in and used a magnifying glass keychain and the sun to fry him dead. "

Twin B and The Baby covered my eyes and turned me around. Slowly we made our escape back to our respective sections.

15 minutes later...

That cursed electronic tracking device called a cell phone alerted me to the text message Twin A had sent.

We are starving. We need food. Please send money or rescue party.

Because I am a loving and thoughtful mother I promptly deleted it and giggled. If this was a movie this would be the part where you scream at the screen ,"No, don't do that."

But it's not. And I couldn't have heard you anyway.

15 minutes later.....

A portly security officer sporting a three haired goatee waddled up my isle. Behind him was a homeless looking figure. The figure was hunched over in tattered, dirt stained clothes. His beard dragging the ground as he shuffled to a stop. A small lump hid behind his legs, glowing eyes peaking out. Was that a dog?

"Mam, do these two belong to you?" the officer jabbed his finger towards the odorous duo.

"No sir, I'm here with my husba.....OH MY GOD!"

"Mam, we caught these two cooking a seagull between tax law and photography. They said they where abandoned and left for dead a few hours ago. By you. We understand if they do belong to you. We have several families that come in here and usually they have one or two that just don't do the book thing. However, they normally sit in the lounge and wait. I'm sorry but we're going to have to ask you to leave."

Not daring to touch The Husband and Twin A I rounded up the two I could call sane and proceeded to the check out lane. Hiding my face and gagging over the smell of burnt feathers I threw some money at the cashier.

"I'm sorry but this doesn't cover the damages. You are the one responsible for the removal of the charred bird and cardboard structure complete with toilet capabilities, right?"

Throwing a few more Jacksons at the counter I ran out, vowing to shop online next time.

Interview with Angela Felsted

During my 200 follower giveaway I had many people stop by and enter. Angela over at My Poetry and Prose Place won an interview. But really aren't we the ones winning when we get to hear about other authors and poets? Please visit her blog and enjoy her interview.

Your Bio says your a writer, musician and poet. If you had to put them in order of favorite, could you? If so what would it be?

Poetry first. It’s in my blood. If you cut me with a knife, I’d probably
bleed words.

How long have you been writing?

I've been writing BADLY all my life. In fact, I almost failed freshman English
when I was in college. I dreaded writing then, saw it like a horrible demon
that was out to get me. Mostly because of all the rules I had to follow:
grammar, punctuation, staying away from passive voice.
Yep, if writing was a demon, all those horrible rules were its teeth.
Then, about three years ago, I started writing out of desperation. I had too
many ugly feelings and no where to put them. So I put them on paper, and I
discovered something awesome. Writing has healing powers.
See, I used to have a perpetually bleeding lower lip. But it wasn't until I
started writing that I realized those scabs and scars were emotional. I was
able to stop picking at my lip though writing. So I suppose you could say it
was my miracle cure.

How long have you been a poet?

I started writing poetry regularly my freshman year at college.

I see you have a published work titled "Care" at The Christian Poet.
Would you tell us about it?

It's a sonnet. Probably the first sonnet I took seriously. Although, when I
started writing "Care" in fifth grade it was nothing more than a
disorganized sketch of my feelings. “Care” was my first therapy piece.

I often see poems or snippets of them in books mostly at the chapter
headings. I feel like the really set the tone for the following pages. How do
you feel about that.

I love that.

Do you think poets get the credit they deserve?

Yes. Because poets don't write for money and fame, they write for love.

What is your favorite poet/ favorite poem.

Favorite Children's Poet: Robert Louis Stevenson.

Favorite Adult poet: Lucille Clifton.

Favorite Poem: The Highwayman

What are your inspirations for writing poetry?

My kids, events from my past, and feelings when they come in strong waves. I
have random stuff circling around in my head constantly. So often times I'm not
even sure what's in there until I put pen to paper.

Would you please tell us about your novel.

The one I'm working on now takes place at West Springfield High School in the
Washington DC suburbs, where Katrina Jackson, the daughter of an anti-Mormon
pastor is forced to pair up with Mormon Quinn Walker for physics class.
The most fun thing about writing this story is that it's told from 1st person
alternative points of view. And I have to admit, writing from the POV of a guy
is a lot more fun than I thought it would be.

Do you have any advice for someone interested in writing poetry.

I think the most important thing a beginning poet can do is write.

Thank you Angela so much for this and I hope everyone reads at least one poem today to enrich our lives.

Guest Interview Tomorrow!!! Angela Felsted

Hey guys and gals. If your looking for my crusader challenge #2 click here.

Please check back Wednesday when I have an awesome guest interview with Angela Felsted at My Poetry and Prose Place . Until then some randomness.

I once wrote a check for over a million dollars at a company I worked for. (I was one of the financial peeps) Anyway, I had to practise writing out the numbers before I did it because I was so scared I would mess it up.

I came home yesterday to find one of my 14yr old twins sitting on the couch with tin foil wrapped around his head. I asked him why he was wasting my foil and he replied "The Aliens were trying to contact me but I've deflected their attempts."

I hate meatloaf but love the way it smells when its cooking.

Can you guys tell I haven't started my revision yet? My muse is bored and won't come out to play so I really have to start on it soon. See ya tomorrow

Crusader Challenge #2...Updates and More

Well my blogging life has not gone as planned these past 2 weeks but never fear I will get back in the thick of things soon. My 200 follower giveaway went fantastically great and I have 2, yes i said 2, awesome guest interviews coming soon for you.

In the meantime Rach has come up with ANOTHER cool crusader challenge. We have to write a flash fiction piece in 100 words or less starting with "The gold fish bowl teetered..." Please go check out all the other crusaders and their entries. Here is my challenge entry:

The goldfish bowl teetered on the edge of the research table. One more push and I would be free. My strength was fading from the briny water and my throat closed on it's foul taste. The liquid, murky with my dying scales, held just enough minerals to keep me in my mermaid state.

Vibrations on the surface announced the doctor's return. Unable to control the rising panic I rammed against the glass, ignoring the damage I caused myself. I had to reach the air and return to human form to escape this prison. Failing my kingdom was not an option.

100 words on the dot. I think...

Last bit of news. Deidra over at A Story Bookworld has given me a really awesome Powerful Woman award. Thanks Deidra. Go check out her blogs.

Giveaway Winners!!!!! Oh and Answers too.

Hi All,

Yes , I know I'm late and I didn't even put up a Monday Funny Column. All I can say is you gotta love life, right? Well , technically no you don't, but then your $400 an hour psychologist just looks like a waste of money. I finally got around to my 200 follower giveaway and questions. I would like to thank everyone who has followed me and commented on my posts. A big congratulations to the winners. I'll contact you about your prizes. I swear. Promise. No lie.

First place is: Angela Felsted
Second Place is: Margo Berendsen
Third Place is: L. Diane Wolfe

Please go check out their blogs and check back soon for interviews. Part of the giveaway was for fellow bloggers to ask questions about me. Here they are.

What genres do you write in, and do you have a single one that's your favourite to read?
I started writing in YA fantasy but have one wip in MG. I don't know if I'll ever do it but I'm drawn to horror and humor. Maybe a stand-up-comic-zombie-slasher is in the works? :)

It's sounds like you live in a household full of males (human and animal), how does the make your life fun/interesting/insane, and how does it inform your writing?
I am the only female in a house full of testosterone. Both human and animal. It is completely insane. I think I have a better perspective on the male psyche but sometimes when I'm really sad about a scene they all look at me like "mommas lost it again" . I have to really work at not letting my female characters fade into the background. On the other hand all my MC females are really strong minded and don't wait for a rescue. I do have to work my writing around sports and really bad smelling laundry but I can manage. As long as the tequila bottle stays filled.

I want to know what's your theme song? That is, what song plays in your head when you think about your life?
OHHHHH. I LOVE this question. I really have many different lyrics that work with my life. It depends on my mood and what's happening but if I had to pick just one song....

"Ironic" by Alanis Morisette Lyrics Here

Of all the things you have written, is their one line that stands out in your mind, one that has you thinking . . . wow I wrote that!
Yes, but not so much for any eloquence but that it really hit the way I wanted to scene to go.

"Have you ever felt like the world was walking a straight line and you were slightly off center and two steps behind? That's how I feel every day. Every. Single. Day."

My question to you is: what's the one most valuable piece of advice you've learned from your writing course?
Oh way too hard. HMM. First off that I can't fix what I didn't write and that I need to trust my muse. Second is that EVERY SINGLE WRITER has written crap. Even the very best author out there has a first draft that looks like a flea ridden maggot barfed all over the page.

What are your goals as a writer? Specifically?
1. To finish my first ever novel.
2. To get an agent.
3. To get said novel published.
4. To be so stinking rich my breath turns to gold dust.
5. To wake up from my dream and finish my first ever novel.

What's your schedule like? I'm always interested in how others manage to balance work, life, networking and writing.
Right now it's pretty hazy. No, not because I'm drunk. Although.... When all the planets are aligned and the heavens have parted and the angels sing down upon me... I like to write in the mornings until about noonish Mon-Fri. NOTHING on the weekends. However, that is rarely the case so I still try to get something down on paper at least twice a week.

Do you think size matters?
OMG Yeah. What kind of question is that? Jeez. Uh. Oh . Do you mean in writing? Um well then. NO . As with anything (not remotely pervy :) ) size only matters if you are looking for it. Otherwise it's all about quality but if your the lucky few who happen to come across a largish well "worked" um book then that's wonderful.

So my question is: do you have any tips on funny? And how to write and get laughs?
No none. I would love to write funny stories. I love Erma Bombeck. Most people have plenty of funny things that happen in their life. I would say try to draw from that. Don't push to make things funny. Sorry I'm a slacker on this department even though I want to write in comedy eventually.

"Do you have a marketing plan and what does it look like?"
Yes. It's a slinky black teddy cut high on the thigh. I plan on pairing it with some leather boots and my.. I mean BUY a whip and chains and leather gag mask and go visit my PR. Honestly I haven't gotten that far but I will tell you that part scares me.

Question? What inspired you to start blogging?
What's the coolest thing you've learned since joining the

That's two questions. Your disqualified. HeHe. Well my fellow writing buddy Kari Marie gave me some advice on building a platform and mentioned I might want to start a blog now to get my name out there. I didn't realize I would love it. I think the coolest thing is being able to click a few buttons and speak to authors all over the world will varying degrees of advice, success and experience. Plus no one knows when I'm drinking.

Thanks guys and gals. Your the best!!!

Revision Rewind #1 and Giveaway

For my 200 follower giveaway please click here. It ends Saturday (sometime) :) so please stop by and enter.

A few days ago I announced I was starting my revision course on my first novel. When I began writing many moons ago I knew I would have a lot to learn. Boy did I!! Now that I'm on to the revision I wanted to do a weekly post about my journey and what I learn along the way. I hope to pass along some advice on what not to do and maybe make someone elses journey a little easier. I've heard that the revision process is what makes or breaks a writer. Many people start out with all the right intentions of creating a wonderful piece of word artistry, but they wind up tossing the pile in the fire after the first draft is done.

I'm going into this process with my eyes wide open and my heart full of trust in myself and my story. I hope to have an update every Friday, starting with this one. Since this is my first Revision Rewind, I wanted to start off with asking you for any advice you might want to share.

If you have already revised anything, what is the best piece of advice you can give to a new writer on this process. Do you have favorite websites that have helped you? Do you have any techniques that you just can't do without. Maybe any superstitions?

Happy Writing.

Do you Review?

200 follower giveaway click here.

I've been drowning in YA lit recently. On purpose. I'm trying to get a better feel of voice and tone before I revise my own YA wip. The trouble is I'm having a really hard time finding one that satisfies me.

Before I started writing I could tear a book apart with all the things wrong with it. From the atrocious cover to an overly sappy acknowledgment. I've been known to throw a book across the room, calling it all sorts of nasty vile names. Question the writer's sanity and even look up the publisher to make sure they're real.

Since I've been writing though I'm hesitant to rip the author a new one. I understand how hard it is to get the character just so. I feel the writer's pain of no control over the cover (not yet but I can imagine). When it's my turn at thanking my peeps, it will be KING of sappiness and humble tears. I will be everything I laughed at in the before life.

How do you review a book knowing how hard it is to even finish a first draft? Do you stick to just the facts or do you delve into how the book makes you feel. Do you look at the novel as a reader or does your writerly instincts take over?

Gas: The New Four Letter Word.

Looking for the 200 Follower giveway? Go HERE.

I live in south Alabama. The real rural part. We're between "Hometown of the Largest Snake Turd" and "You Got a Purty Mouth". WAY out in the boondocks.

So needless to say we use a lot of gas. Whether it be in our cars or tractors or Mae Belle's Avon wagon. Petroleum is a way of life down here. With the gas prices going up again we're experimenting with alternative fuel "recipes". So far we have had mild success with some and since we are all in this together I though I'd share some. If you have any success or complaints please forward them to OCAP.

Alternative Fuel Recipes:

1. Government Personnel Fuel

Take 3-4 of your local government personnel (you know you have extras) and put them into a large vat of hot water. Simmer until a fine layer of crap rises to the top. (shouldn't take long) Scoop off and run through the Microlaxerfizer 2000. You should have enough alternative fuel to last 100 years. Repeat as needed.

2. Convicts Ala' Fred Flintstone style

Visit your local jail and "borrow" the worst offenders. Cram as many of them as possible under your hood. Hook an electrically charged wire to a ..ah... sensitive spot and when you push the gas pedal *wham* you have instant momentum. Speeding is encouraged.

3. Trainpool

This isn't exactly fuel but another alternative. In carpool you have one car and several people. But now that's just not enough. I'm introducing the "Trainpool". You need to get your closest friends and relatives and hooked your cars together like a train. Put all your vehicles in neutral and the lead car pulls your around town for all you shopping needs. You will need to work out a schedule of who gets to be lead car every few days as most cars aren't lasting long.

I have one of those cars that lets me know when my fuel is running low. Apparently I can't look at the big red E and tell. When the tank gets to a certain point I hear "Low Fuel, 30 miles until empty." I filled up yesterday which cost $2,866,301.87. When the car reset itself I heard "Low Fuel, 31 miles until empty." Time to break out the horse and buggy.

200 Follower giveaway and some changes

I'm back!!! I know you're like "what, who is this?". It's ok I missed you too. I wanted this post to be about YA lit but I need to get the goodies and info out there so I'll do the smart post Monday.

First, I'm doing a new schedule. With me starting revision classes soon I just need to be more organized. Here is my new blogging when/what/who's.

Monday--Comedy, no telling what you'll get but it will be centered around funny stuff. At least to me. :)

Wednesday--All things concerned with writing. From the importance of spell check to trends in publishing.

Friday--Revision Rewind. This post will be about my journey through my revision and what I've learned that week.

Second, I was a finalist in the first crusade!!! OMG was that not one fun ride? So a huge thanks and shout out to Rach and the crusaders!!

Third, During this last week I've jumped over 200 followers. Which in itself is awesome but when you combine it with the fact I've only been blogging for 2 months and a week it pretty FREAKING awesome. So of course I'm giving sway some things and since I missed the 50/100/150 follower mark I plan on giving away for those things too.

If you want to be entered in the giveaway please leave a comment for this post. Also since I rarely talk about myself please leave a question with your comment and I will answer in a later post. Here are the points for the giveaway:

2--commenting and question
3--commenting , question, and mentioning about it on your blog. Just link it back here so all the other bloggers can visit you too.

For every point you have I'll put your name in a jar and randomly pull out the winners.
I will close the giveaway post next Saturday, March 12th and let you know who won.

I know, I know! What about the prizes?

Third place will get an interview on my blog.
Second place will get a $15 gift certificate to Amazon.com.
First place will get both an interview and a $15 gift certificate to Amazon.com.

Thanks to the entire blogging community and Happy Writing!!

I'm not Dead...I think

I didn't die. I didn't fall into a quagmire of boiling quicksand. I didn't throw myself into a belching volcano of doom. I didn't let the Mayans have me either.

My (very missed) hubby came home after being gone (on a job) for a month. I will be back by Friday I promise.
In the mean time I have surpassed 200 followers---OMG--- *giveawaycomingsoon*. Thank you to all of the newbies and the oldies for putting up with me. ;)

I have been given some awards and bless you for that. I will forward them soon and tell you all about the wonderful peeps who gave them to me.

I am almost...gasp...done...cough...following..ack..all the crusaders. ALMOST DONE.

I know I'm forgetting something but that's just me. See ya around.

Happy Writing!!!