My Critique is IN!!

I won a three page critique from the "Trilogy" contest held a few weeks ago. Marieke along with Rach and Tessa put this amazing give away together. I was lucky enough to win one of the prizes and Marieke was the one to do my critique. I was thrilled when I won but agonized over the prize. I'm not going to lie to you. I didn't want ANYONE to read my stuff. Especially since this is straight from my head to the paper. No revisions. I'm new and I know I have a long way to go. I asked her to rip it to shreds and although she was thorough, she did it in a way that encouraged me.

Back to the newbie part. One of the problems I've found with being new is not having anything to compare your work too. No one wants to show their beginner ramblings and who can blame them. But inexperienced writers need to see that. We need to know that every great writer started off with crap too. I'm crossing my fingers they did anyway. I thought how could I turn this into something we could all benefit from. Maybe I could pay it forward. Maybe I could show everyone....

I *gulp* plan to post my critique *with Marieke's blessing* for all to read. I know what some are you are saying. "Is she crazy? Off her meds? Too many meds? " No, not at all. Although the tequila bottle is looking empty.

Marieke's crit was insightful and eye opening . She has many helpful suggestions and ideas. More importantly, she came across as a fellow writer who genuinely wants me to succeed. This is not something you find outside of the writing community. Any other industry is a cut throat business but here you always have someone willing to help you out.

I'm going to post in a three part series over the next week or so. I'll have snippets in my post and the entire three page critique on a page located at the top of my blog. This is for any new writer who needs something to compare their own work too or any experienced writer who might be over looking something. I hope by baring something very dear and near to me I can help another fellow writer.

Thank you Marieke.

Here's the first snippet and a short description.

Resurrection is a YA fantasy. Olivia is the girl next door with everything going her way. Life's perfect until she has to trust two dangerous strangers. A demon with his own agenda and an angel who lies.

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Dropping my toothbrush I felt my face flame up. "What did you say? Oh my God Emma what did you do?"

Giggling and handing me a towel she didn't even look ashamed. "Your welcome. He said he wanted to ask you to the dance. "

Tighten the dialogue :)

Try to prevent "-ing" verbs as much as
possible. They're not too bad if you use them sparsely, but they get
annoying if you use them a lot. It is a lot like "and then this
happened and then this and then this."

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Tightening my dialogue is something that I will struggle with. It sounds good in my head (even with all the voices) but when you get it on paper it's too much.

How do you tighten your dialogue and do you struggle with this?