R is For...

Rejection

I know a lot of you have already posted about rejection but I wanted to add my 2 cents worth. Although with the dollar falling it may be more like 1.7220 cents worth.

I must give a disclaimer that I have never had a rejection... YET. However I WANT one badly. A lot of writers feel very personal about rejections. They call them "heart-ripping-soul-sucking" letters of hate.

Do you really? I can understand if the agent/publisher is not professional and rips into you personally but I hope most will be interpreting my writing skills.

My thoughy on rejection is this:

I CAN"T WAIT!!

If someone is sending me a rejection letter then I have finished my book. If someone is sending me a rejection letter then someone other than family and friends is actually reading my work. I can learn from someone NOT required to think about my feelings. A rejection letter will happen. I've heard of writers receiving hundreds of rejection letters but still crank out book after book.

It's just part of a writer's life. Wear them as badges of battle. For me a rejection letter solidifies my status as writer.

At least that's how I'll feel until I get my first one. Then I may be a crying heap of self loathing covered in shame.

How do you feel about rejection? Have you received many rejection letters?

Also please check back tomorrow for a really awesome interview with L. Diane Wolfe at Spunk on a Stick.

Q is For...

Questionable Moments

I've had many questionable moments in my life. The ones where you know your life is about to change. The only problem is you don't know which way. I'm forever an optimist so even in my worst questionable moments I've found some silver linings.

One of the first questionable moments came when I was 9-ish. I had seen an advertisement for some new bath gels and begged my parents to buy me some. Of course they declined my request and crushed my 9 year old heart. But you can't keep an optimist down. I looked under our bathroom sink and found an assortment of stuff to mix together. Gathering my supplies I scrabbled into my bath and began mixing. Some bubbling toilet cleaner for the bubbles. Some foot powder for the softness. Some fingernail polish for color and some finger nail polish remover in case it stuck to the tub. A few other ingredients went into my personal bath mixture but I can't remember their names only they've since been removed from shelves. Exactly 17 seconds after the final ingredient went in I had developed a mixture that was quite sticky. In fact NASA uses it today to plug holes in the spaceship.

It took the fire department and paramedics 4 hours to free my backside and legs from the tub. But that's ok because this questionable moment taught me the inner workings of the rescue community.

When I was 13-ish my best friend convinced me that if I put duck tape on my water bed mattress that I could poke stick pins in it and the water wouldn't leak out. Well she was right. Every place that duck tape IS ON would not leak. My 13 year old brain didn't think of the HOLE. A hole by definition is the absence of something. When you place a stick pin or 23 into the water bed bladder you create a hole or an absence. An absence of the duck tape, an absence of the water bed mattress which in turn creates an absence of water.

It took my parents 2 hours to shop vac all the water out of my floor. But that's ok because I learned a valuable physics lesson. The faster you run around your mom plus the gravitational pull of the moon divided by the arc of her swing WILL NOT lesson the impact of the leather belt on your bottom.

I've even had some questionable moments in my adult life. When the Prince of Nigeria emailed me asking for financial help I knew I couldn't turn him away. I mean come on, how many people could help a royal prince. Plus I knew it had to be real because all my friends and family got the same email so he must know me. Besides when I gave him my bank account number I asked him nicely to only take what he needed. I guess he was in more trouble than I though when my bank called to say my account had been emptied.

Months later I still haven't had a thank you from the Prince but that's ok because I know he has his freedom and is healthy.

Becoming a writer was a questionable moment also. However I know that no matter how it turns out I have made some awesome (real) friends and learned many valuable lessons(real ones). So I hope becoming a writer is a questionable moment for you but one that you choose to do whole heartily.

Happy Writing

P is For...

Pen in The Printer

I consider myself a very organized person. On top of things-nothing catches me by surprise-get it done kind of person. Except in my writing life. It's a mess. I'll blame my muse. Who, I've told you all before, is a drunk monkey stumbling around with a computer and a pen in her hairy hands.

Imagine my shock when I tried to print out some chapters for revision and nothing came out of the printer. Imagine more shock when I discovered I forgot to fill said printer with paper. Apparently this is an important step to follow when using a printer.

Enter the antagonist. I love pens. You know the really smooth flowing bright colored pens. Gel filled ones are the bestest ever!! Woo Hoo raise the roof..uh sorry. Ah yeah the Pen. I dropped my neon pink--I heart tadpoles pen straight down into the paper loader opening thingy. And it rolled and rolled and rolled all the way back into the paper feeder. I know it's called a paper feeder from the nice support technician who helped me but more on him/her later.

Searching my desk for something to pull the pen out only showed me how messy it was. Trying to fish out the pen with a pencil made me a bit nervous so I switched to a fork. Not happening. Next came a finger nail file, letter opener, magnet (I know I know), fishing hook and string, pipe cleaner stolen from kids project and finally I came up with a brilliant idea sure to work.

I put some tuna fish on a cotton ball and put it inside the printer and put the cat up there. He went CRAZY!! Digging and clawing and meowing and....shedding. If he could just knock the pen loose. His meowing went from "loud" to "OMG can't he shut up". I realized he had his paw stuck inside the printer wrapped around the cotton ball. He would NOT let go of the cotton ball. Slight panic set in when the cat stopped meowing and started hissing at me. He knew what I had done. Reaching out to soothe him showed me how dangerous a pissed off cat with three free legs can be. I don't think any of the scratches would require more than a few stitches.

Calling The Husband or any other family member would only add to my growing list of "Guess what Lisa did now" so I called customer support. At least I'm a faceless moron to them.

"Good Morning, Customer Support. This is Sydney, my badge number is......." the monotone voice went on forever. I couldn't tell if it was a he or a she. I hate when that happens. I always wind up saying mam to the sir and sir to the mam.

"Hey Sydney, I need help. My cat is stuck in my printer and I can't get his paw out." I yelled so the he/she could hear me over the cat's very angry growls of pure hate being flung in my direction.

"Um, sorry we don't do animal cases but I can help you change your ink cartridge. First..."

"No, I don't need the ink cartridge changed I need to get my cat out of the printer so I can get my pen out so I can print out my story for revision." I was totally in a freak out mode now.

"OK, calm down. I'm not supposed to do this but it's slow this morning so I'll help you. Is your printer the Ultra Deluxe 4000?" Sydney He/she said

"No, It's the Simple Cheap 127."

"That's too bad. I could help you if it was the Ultra. Do you want to upgrade now for a %40 discount?"

"NO I NEED MY C A T out of my printer."

"Whoa chill out Lady. I'm just here to help you and I can't help if your going to take that tone with me. Although it's kinda hot. Are you single? I see your address is 225.."

Hanging up and making a mental note to move I rack my brains to figure out how to solve this. The ten year old comes in to see what is making all the noise that is interfering with his Star Wars video game conference and takes one look at me holding my bleeding arms and the cat and the printer.

Rolling his eyes he goes into the kitchen and opens a can of cat food which promptly makes the cat let go of the cotton ball. Then he walks back and picks up my printer and gives it one shake and out falls my pen.

I grounded him for 17 years, not for being smarter than I am but for showing me he's smarter than I am.

Happy Writing.

J is For.....

Jose Cuervo

You know I couldn't let the letter "J" go by and not talk about my fav ancestor. O.K. , so maybe he's not exactly my ancestor but I get teary-eyed when I think about him. For those of you underage I'm going to assume (wink wink) you don't know this is the man who invented Tequila. My absolute favorite drink. Rum is my second favorite and Captain Morgan and I go way back.

Disclaimer for any future agents patrolling these bloggy waters: I love Tequila! Oh um I mentioned that already didn't I? With all due respect though I couldn't tell you the last time I had a Tequila based beverage in my possession.

But when I do....

Anyway I though I'd pass along some interesting facts (to me anyway) about Jose and his concoctions.

Fact #1
Was there really a person named Jose Cuervo? Yes. Jose Antonio de Cuervo was the first Tequila producer, obtaining the land from the King of Spain in 1758, before Mexico became an independent republic. In 1795, Jose María Guadalupe de Cuervo made the very first Vino Mezcal de Tequila de Jose Cuervo when he received the first official permit from the King of Spain to produce Tequila commercially.

Fact #2
Who was the first producer of Tequila in the world? Jose Cuervo, of course, since 1795.

Fact #3
Where is Jose Cuervo Tequila really made? All Jose Cuervo Tequila is made in the central Mexican town of Tequila in the state of Jalisco. According to the DOT (Declaration for the Protection of the Denomination of Origin—this is the Mexican law that oversees the protection of Tequila), only alcoholic beverages made with Blue Agave or agave azul (Agave Tequilana Weber blue variety) grown in the states of Jalisco,Michoacan, Nayarit, Guanajuato and Tamaulipas can be labeled as Tequila. No agave grown outside this region, including other countries, can be used for any product labeled as “Tequila.”

Fact #4
What is Tequila made from? Real Tequila is made from a plant called Blue Agave. Only the Agave Azul Tequilana Weber variety (Blue Agave) can be used for Tequila. Classified by German botanist F. Weber in 1905, the Blue Agave is commonly mistaken for a cactus, but it is really a relative of the lily (amaryllis) family. Blue Agave is sometimes known as maguey, mexic, pita and teometl.

Fact #5
How long does it take for an agave plant to reach maturity? Blue agave can take anywhere from 6 to 12 years to mature. This is when the Agave reach their peak in sugars and will yield the most Tequila. The plant is used entirely once and then more agave must be planted to continue the production process.

Fact #6
Why is there a worm in my Tequila bottle? THERE ISN’T. What you have is not a bottle of Tequila. The worm is found only in certain bottles of mezcal. The worm is nothing but a marketing gimmick!

Now where did I put that bottle. Happy Writing!

Lucky MF'er taking out the heart of the Agave plant to make into Tequila.

A is For......

Airport Novels

That's right people. The Airport Novel. Serious stuff.

According to Wikipedia: "An airport novel is typically a fairly long but fast-paced novel of intrigue or adventure that is stereotypically found in the reading fare offered by airport newsstands for travellers to read in the rounds of sitting and waiting that constitute air travel."

I've spent a few hours huffing and puffing in a sad attempt to run from terminal to terminal trying to catch the vomit comets. So I have a total 15 minutes of experience looking in the airport bookstore. All I did was grab a magazine to cut out letters and glue on a ransom note.

But that's a whole other post.

I thought I would put together some titles of airport novels I'd like to see:

1. 1,001 Uses For Your Used Earplugs.

2. Airplane Etiquette: Why Bathing Is NOT A Sin.

3. Airport Recipes: How To Make A Recipe From Peanuts, Stale Coffee and Mint Flavored Toothpicks.

4. Murder In Bathroom Stall 9,804.

5. Deciphering Flight Attendant Lingo: Please Have A Seat = Sit The F*ck Down, I've Got 300 More Idiots To Strap In Like Drunk Three Year Olds On A Merry-Go-Round.

Happy Writing!!!

Are You Ready?

As we gear up for the A-Z blogging challenge I would like to go over a few rules and regulations or in my case reputations.

Due to my pickled brain cells and my frequent side trips down crazy lane I will be using a schedule to keep up with fellow alphabet soupers.

I will be doing a first come-first comment preference. If you comment on my blog I will do my best (it's really a sad attempt) to comment on yours.

I will start A-day visiting #1-20 and hope to keep moving in segments of 20 every day after.

My post will be short, sweet, tongue-in-check and somehow tie into writing.

So without further ado, please keep all arms and legs inside the vehicle until it comes to a full and complete stop.

Happy Writing